"Musings"

So I broke my silence in class today, and I must admit to being disappointed in myself. Not talking on Wednesday, I think the class remained more ideal, like a situation where ideas variously beckoned me, but remained at an intellectual distance. But now having spoken I feel more vulgar - a user of ideas. I should say that the idea of askesis is really attractive to me, and that the sense of being in a seminar to find out how to use ideas seems unattractively closed, determined.

I do feel like I made a limited contribution today by voicing my contention that Hegel is really all about negation, but only after a clumsy "ad hominem" in trying to connect my thought to the conversation at large. Plus, if the goal of talking in seminar is to contribute to someone else's knowledge, I don't think I was rigorous enough or clear enough. But then now I'm kind of personally invested in the question of labor more than if I didn't talk (a conversation around labor in Hegel is where I made my mark) and in fact I'm inclined to see speaking in class in relation to that bit of Hegel: By speaking I show that I'm an object in the class. In silence I am hoping to use my classmates as objects. And then to think of "ad hominem" - none of us are our ideas or arguments, anyway.